Love my life

Recently, I was told that I should look at my glass as half full. I laughed because my glass is looked at completely full, in fact, overflowing. I find blessings in trials and have found my true strength. I have not had an easy life. My life has been full of trials and heartache but from this life i have the following:

I have five wonderful children. One who recently left home on a positive note, one who works his butt off to help us, a daughter who is funny and brights up our day, a son whose reality reminds us not to take life so serious and enjoy playing star wars whenever we can, and lastly, our son who helps me see life in a whole new way.

I am blessed with two jobs that let me work on my schedule so i can be with my children as much as possible. I am loved by a man who has made some major mistakes but teaches our children that mistakes are human. He serves and protects our country with all of his heart, even when he disagrees with what is taking place.

I am proud that he has chosen to take on a two-year endeavor of his Master's degree in order to help better our lives. Our life has been a struggle through many obstacles but when i think back to what i have been through, i would not change it.

My children have learned that materialistic things are nice but not needed. They have seen poverty and enjoy the small things. They have been taught what hard work is and embrace bettering themselves and not afraid to work for their goals. They know what it means to stand up for oneself. They have learned that negative people are not worth their time even if they call themselves family. They know what unconditional love looks like even if they make mistakes. They know how to laugh when life looks bleak, They know how to be knocked down to their knees and stand up because they are strong.

I did not teach my children these essential lessons...life did. Life taught them the values that are important. So when this individual told me that i look at my glass half full...that would be a shame because half of my life would not have learned its lessons and my children wouldnt have a better future. My life is a full glass because I CHOSE to view it this way. I am sad that others dont but they dont have to, they are missing out on the true meaning of life.

The Atonement in a whole new light

I haven't blogged for a long time now. I just have been avoiding some things but since Facebook does not really allow enough space for my thoughts, I thought what the heck I might as well revisit my family blog.

Today is Easter one of the hardest days for me. Last Easter my world literally crumbled to rumble until the earthquake of my life hit and we hit the bottom. At the bottom of pain, tears, and all the fears, I found one person to keep my standing up....My God. I remember sitting there not able to get out of bed, contemplating the end of my own existence when I pleaded to God that I cant take anymore even if he felt I could. After that prayer, I felt a weight be lifted and peace surround me that I can not explain. I finally had the power to get out of bed and move forward. God had a plan for me even if I didn't believe it.

This is where I have learned about unconditional love of the Savior and how to apply the atonement to others. Most of us all have a take of the atonement and what it means to us but until I had to live as Christ did with true forgiveness in my soul I did not understand the price he paid. I am not looking for congrats or feedback but just telling how the atonement has changed me.

A year ago, My husband came home from military leave expecting to never return. He left his wedding ring. Our marriage was over after 18 years. He had moved on to someone new. After rock bottom came for him, he wanted to come back to us. I did not want to be hurt again but I knew I loved him. Eventually, he has returned to our home.

This process of forgiving him (yes I did say process) taught me about what Jesus did for us that day so many years ago. He allows us to make mistakes, learn from our mistakes, and still have a path to come home. The hardest part was how can you tell someone their mistakes can be forgiven and have them believe it. This is when I realized how hard it has to be for God and Christ to tell their children they can come home to them and their children believe they are not worth enough to go through the door.

I have found we are our only blockade to live with our father in heaven. Our own self-hate, self-doubt, self-pity is the reason we cant see forward. As you can see, the SELFishness is the main culprit in our journey home. The atonement taught me that God is always there with open arms as long as we BELIEVE we are worthy enough for him. The atonement has allowed me to look at my husband in different eyes, eyes of unconditional love, eyes from his perspective of being lost, and my own eyes of my own mistakes and faults, not to dwell in them but to learn how to become a better person.

I have learned that even though my life has had a lot of trials, they have made me who God wants me to become and why Jesus allowed himself the suffering he did. I have learned to love my husband in the midst of my own pain which I would have never learned any other way. My children have learned forgiveness in a way that they will become better husbands and wife. Have more understanding of mistakes.

 I have learned that although I would not wish this pain on anyone, this pain has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. Has taught me a fraction of what Christ had to go through. Has allowed me to help others in their own pain; not to fix their pain, not to run from their pain but to be there while they are experiencing their own pain so they know they are not alone, even when I can feel my own pain.

I may not have many talents like singing, dancing, or crafting but God has shown me where my talents had to come from. I am blessed to have the talent of my God and Jesus Christ, he taught me how to help people heal. I am proud of my talent even though the path was not one I would have chosen for myself but he knew my development had to come through this journey and my relationship with Christ could only occur through my own pain which is why he endured the pain. He could have gone without the pain of the world but he knew that only through pain, true strength is found. Pain should not be avoided because we can not become who are suppose to be without it.

 

 Mathew Chapter 7:7-8

 

7	¶ Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8	for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

 

I sat here next to you,
watching the light fade.
I saw the love disappear
and wondered why.

I couldnt help but ask
is it me or you.
Then i learned your secret
and wondered why.

Why do i get this
after everything i have done
Did I do too much
or was it not enough.

I hurt and your not here
I cry and your not near
You say sorry but
I dont believe you.

I go to bed wondering why
and are you thinking of her.
She tried to steal your heart
but doesn't know love

I wonder how you could
be so stupid and fall
into a womans evil trap
and Tell her I LOVE YOU

Why couldn't you see
that a woman who loves you
wont take you away
from everyone who loves you

 I wish you could see
the knife you put
into my back
and into the back of your kids.

I wish your eyes would open
and see what I know
the kind of man i know you are
not the man who runs and looks away

One day I hope
you understand the pain
the hurt, the tears
and hope its not to late.

But life is short
not worth this pain
and I wonder why
I love you still

I wish i could walk away
and not look back
but true love is
someone who stands by you

I just dont know
how much more
i can take.
The pain is too much.

I just hope when
you come forward
you dont see my back.
and its not to late.

Love is kind
love isnt pain
Love is special
Love is unconditional

I wonder why
I am not worth that
But i have discovered
I am.

I pray that one day
you will understand
what love really is
until then I will wonder why?

We will miss you so much Aunt Margaret. The fourth of July and Christmas will never be the same without you there. We know you are in a wonderful place and reuniting with loved ones.

Margaret Bailey Farr
(May 31, 1928 - September 28, 2011)

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Margaret Bailey Farr

Margaret Bailey Farr, 83, passed away on September 28, 2011 of complications secondary to cancer of the lungs. She died peacefully at home surrounded by family.
She was born May 31, 1928 in Logan, Utah to Reed W. and Adaliene B. Bailey. She moved to Ogden at age 6 and attended Ogden public schools followed by attendance at the University of Utah.
Margaret married Boyd J. Farr on August 19, 1949 in the Salt Lake LDS Temple. This was followed by moves to Washington D.C., San Francisco, CA; New Haven, CT; and Oakland, CA before reestablishing a home in Ogden, Utah. During this period of time she worked for the United States Forest Service and The Association of Radio Broadcasters.
Margaret was a truly gracious lady and a wonderful wife and mother. She enjoyed people and was an excellent conversationalist resulting in participation in many organizations. These included Chi Omega Sorority, Drama Club of Ogden, Literary club (Mystae), Bridge group, Lunch group, Junior League of Ogden, LDS Study Group and several other groups. She served as a member and President of the Utah Musical Theatre Advisory Board. She was a faithful member of the LDS church and served in many organizations throughout her life. Margaret’s hobbies included needlepoint, knitting, reading and crossword puzzles.
She is survived by her husband Boyd, sister Ann (David) Dee, children: Richard Bailey Farr of Ogden, Ann (Patrick) Lawrence of Salt Lake, Joseph Bailey (Wendy) Farr of Colorado Springs, CO, Julie (Jeff) Hatch of Ogden and 11 granchildren.
Margaret was preceded in death by her parents and her sister and brother-in-law Barbara B. (Ray J.) Behling. Funeral services will be held on Monday, October 3, 2011 at 11 a.m. at Lindquist’s Ogden Mortuary, 3408 Washington Blvd. Friends may visit family on Sunday from 6 to 8 p.m. and Monday from 9:45 to 10:45 a.m. at the mortuary. Interment, Lindquist’s Memorial Gardens of the Wasatch, 1718 Combe Road.
We would like to thank the staff of Intermountain Hospice, Pineview Rehabilitation Center, and Comfort Keepers as well as the many physicians who cared for Margaret.
In lieu of flowers please donate to your favorite charity.

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