Mixed Feelings..

This last week I have had many mixed feelings. These feelings are mostly about the holidays. I wish in a way I could just skip them and be to January already. On the other hand because David is gone i want to make the holidays special for them so maybe they wont miss dad so much. I think my feelings have caused a lot of distention in my house and the children can feel my anticipation. I dont know how to change these feelings. I am trying to stay positive and keep myself overly busy so I dont have to think about it but at night when the house is all quiet these feelings and thoughts come to my head. I hope we can work through the holidays and then have dad come home. I am so excited we are down to the final stretch ( maybe I should wait until after the holidays to say that). The one thing I do know is I love my kids and want to make this easy for them, I just dont know how to do it.

Another child with ADHD

Ever since Caleb's accident I have been noticing some behaviors (actually we have been noticing them for awhile but the accident was teh straw that broke the camel's back). I discussed my concerns with the peditrician and he also noticed some behaviors that were just not quite right. He asked me to take him to a therapist to do further testing. Today, we did get a diagnosis of ADHD. This is not my first rodeo with this and I feel that I am going to be able to handle the behaviors and hopefully change them to be more "normal". Our goal at this point, since he is only three is to teach him what is acceptable and what is not (not an easy task). This is our first goal. Then we were change things slowly adding more goals. Just thought the family would like to know.

14 Years and counting

Fourteen years ago today, I promised my life to my husband. Reflecting back to that day if you asked would you be married in 14 years, I would honestly say I dont know but I hope so. I have always been in this marriage for the long haul. If someone would of asked if I would be a military wife I would say "Hell no". Times have changed and 4 and a half years ago, a different man pledged to serve his country, no matter what the cost was. A different woman stood there accepting but not really excited about this road of the military life. Now, in the present, another woman emerges. A person who could not be prouder of her husband. A wife who could not imagine a different life. Sacrafices have to be made and that sacrafice is a difficult one but knowing why I have to give up my husband's company on this day, makes it a little easier ( i did say little). I dont know what the future will hold. Many changes will happen and we will change and continue to evolve. The one thing I do know is I love my husband more now than I did when he took my hand and I swore before God and family to be his wife. I love the example he gives to our children. I love how I am stronger because of him and how he wont let me hide behind him (sometimes I wish he still would let me do that). I dont know how he feels about being apart on this special day, but I know that even though I dont like it, part of my heart is with him and part of his heart is with me and I could not be a prouder wife. So today, I vow to him again that I will not be in bed depressed thinking I wish he was here. But instead I will be holding my children and thinking of how proud we are as a family for the choices he has made. This song Far away is dedicated to him: This time, This place Misused, Mistakes Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait Just one chance Just one breath Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, you know, you know That I love you I have loved you all along And I miss you Been far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance 'Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything but I won't give up 'Cause you know, you know, you know That I love you I have loved you all along And I miss you Been far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore So far away Been far away for far too long So far away Been far away for far too long But you know, you know, you know I wanted I wanted you to stay 'Cause I needed I need to hear you say That I love you I have loved you all along And I forgive you For being away for far too long So keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go

Good Day

Today was officially a good day. These are pretty rare (or I wish there were more). I finished my class and my last final. My kids were actually listening. Talked to Coltens school counselor and resolved some issues he was having. So now I feel stress-free.... But tomorrow is another day and I am looking forward to another great day.

LOST....

Last night was the first time I actually got lost in a corn maze. We spent two hours in it. Coby and Caleb had the map and led the way. After two hours and tired legs, I took over and according to Coby, "Mom your a genius" We were out in less than 10 min. Those who went to the haunted side was a little jealous since they had to wait an hour for us to come out. It was fun but we also were sad because this is David's thing he does this with the kids. It reminded so much of what we miss. But we have to focus on "TOO PROUD TO BE SAD" motto. Things like this are bitter-sweet. We love you and miss you, LOVE.